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11.11

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Today my mind keeps going back to school, I don't know why exactly. Some memories are pleasant to revisit, some are painful, some are both. I keep going back to the moments where I consciously said to myself "remember this and hold on to this. This moment is bliss and it will go away. Don't let it get away too quick." Those days at Leddy, laughing over beers and jumping in the frigid burlington water. Warm nights on the 303 stoop that I swore would be my favorite place on earth forever (it might still be). People-watching from the boy's deck on college street. Singing duets with Sean at karaoke. Coming home and finding all my friends in my bed. Jumping on the kitchen chairs with Lizzy screaming Miley Cyrus. Tile floors and cracked ceilings and red wine and cozy movie days. Dancing under the church street lights. Heady topper at the sunset with Patrick. Those days I would walk to the park and meditate at the water, filled with a warmth that assured me I belong here...
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"Growing up is not the problem, forgetting is"

I watched the Little Prince the night before I left for Sacramento and I'm so glad I did. That movie hits some emotional soft spots in me that I didn't even know I had. Basically, it's a story about a little girl with a controlling mother who tries to rush her through childhood and make her into a successful adult ASAP. The girl meets a nice old man, they become friends, and she learns the importance and beauty of human connection. I love this movie for many reasons, two being the important life lessons/reminder it has to offer, reminders that are easy to forget (especially once we grow up). One of my favorite quotes from the film is "it is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." I know this is some Helen-Keller-esque, super cliche phraseology, but I still think they're onto something. I am my clearest, happiest self when I am able to look at things with love. I'm guilty of forgetting this all the time. I...
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11.15

It's the early morning and I've been watching the droplets of dew race across the van window. I'm thinking about how fresh and ambiguous everything is in the morning, as new beginnings tend to be. The fog blankets the fields of the fairgrounds we're staying at, dew covers the ground and the windows. Then, before you know it, it is daytime and the fog clears and windows dry. The strange comforting uncertainty of the early morning fades. The team has been getting a bit discouraged, because the government lowkey sent us all the way from California to Florida to loiter in gas station parking lots and do free landscaping for old people. Grant expressed to me last night candidly that he feels like his time here is being wasted. While I understand where he is coming from, I don't share the same perspective. I don't feel my time is being wasted at all. I have learned slowly not to have expectations for just about anything. This makes me much happier.  Grant once told ...
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