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"Growing up is not the problem, forgetting is"

I watched the Little Prince the night before I left for Sacramento and I'm so glad I did. That movie hits some emotional soft spots in me that I didn't even know I had. Basically, it's a story about a little girl with a controlling mother who tries to rush her through childhood and make her into a successful adult ASAP. The girl meets a nice old man, they become friends, and she learns the importance and beauty of human connection. I love this movie for many reasons, two being the important life lessons/reminder it has to offer, reminders that are easy to forget (especially once we grow up). One of my favorite quotes from the film is "it is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." I know this is some Helen-Keller-esque, super cliche phraseology, but I still think they're onto something. I am my clearest, happiest self when I am able to look at things with love. I'm guilty of forgetting this all the time. I...
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Really not twenty two anymore.

I'm writing right now, because I am in a beautiful place in my life and it would be a shame not to type the words written on my heart. How my heart always aches for some tangible evidence of what being alive feels like at any given moment of this journey.  I was talking to Keeley last night about how I feel some profound changes within me and I can't seem to describe the deep gratitude I feel. When I think about the love and beauty this life has brought me, tears well up in my eyes. When I think of all I've learned in the past few years, I realize how infinite the ability to grow really is. I love myself now. It took years and years of trying and failing, and trying and failing, but I love myself now. I hope these words have enough weight to settle down in my heart and stay there for the rest of my existence. I found a real love, and then I lost it. One of the most beautiful aspects of this life, in my opinion, is the ability to feel. I feel your absence now, more than ...
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1.11.18

I'e  been experiencing a weird wave of anxiety/depression since I've gotten back to campus. My toxic thoughts have been off the charts and I've just been trying to stay afloat and keep them at bay to get through the day. They warned us that coming back from disaster relief could send us into this state and that it could take a while to adjust to it. I always thought myself to be somewhat resilient towards changing circumstances. I always think my "positive" mood is infallible. That is, until I start to feel bad, then I can barely stand it and my entire sense of self gets thrown off. Currently, there are things and people on my mind that I can't let go of, that I have to let go of, there's a present moment to pay attention to that I haven't been paying enough attention to. I'm learning there are always more things to learn about myself. The most important thing is that I must be patient. This morning I feel very good. Like I'm starting to retu...
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