10/13 2.0
It's been super for me to try writing lately, it seems impossible to put everything into words. I made it to Sacramento on Wednesday, and everything has been a hectic blur of continuous social stimulation and overwhelming amounts of information. Not the mention the nervous excitement, crippling exhaustion, and self-doubt that apparently comes along with these things. I haven't been thrown into a foreign situation like this since I first left for college, and I forgot how strange of an adjustment it is. I remember how anxious and uncertain I was at first, just hoping it was the right thing. Hoping I belonged there. By the time I left this past May, there wasn't a doubt in my mind that it was the right thing.
I've been keeping this in mind during my first few days here, that every experience needs a little bit of time and patience to unfold into something truly beautiful. Since I've gotten here, I've had moments of confidence and peace, where I have felt belonging and connection with my teammates and these moments have been blissful. I've also had moments of anxiety, where I am worried I'm not presenting my best self and there's pressure to be perfect because it's a new start for me and I'm scared I won't be able to handle this intensive experience that people keep saying will "make or break" me. Something about new situations and uncertainty really has a way of bringing out self-doubt. I'm trying to learn to forgive myself for my over-thinking tendencies. I'm trying to continue reminding myself that my thoughts are not always the truth. In order to try to hold myself accountable in these first few days, I am making some promises to myself. To welcome growth even if it is uncomfortable. To remain open and present, even if I am afraid. To pour love into everything even if I feel alone.
Today was a lovely, long day. One of my teammates, Keeley, waited for me to walk to breakfast together in the wee morning hours. She packed me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch, too, because I forgot to bring a sandwich bag. I like Keeley a lot. She's 23 and we have a good vibe together and I think/hope we will become good friends. After breakfast, I walked to the nearest gas station with some of my other teammates because we desperately needed coffee and apparently Americorps does not believe in coffeemakers. My team and I pretty much spent the entire day together after that, enduring long lectures on respect and health benefits and our service projects and sexual harrassment and all that good stuff. After lunch, I went to the military commissary with this adorable girl Jasmine who is 18 and from Nebraska. She loves my laugh, and I love her enthusiasm and how when I first met her she was wearing an almost all yellow outfit (the good kind of yellow). She is bubbly in a charming, not obnoxious way, and I appreciate this very much. We all had dinner together, spaghetti and garlic bread. Then, we all put on mud face masks (even the guys! so progressive!) and played Cards against Humanity for a while. Now, I'm back in my room fighting sleep real hard.
Overall, I'm very happy with my team. Everybody is incredibly unique and comes from such different backgrounds. Everybody has something interesting to bring to the group. The group also has a great sense of humor which is amazing and makes everything more comfortable. As of right now, there's Mike (the team leader), Wynn,Cassandra, Isabelle, Ian, Grant, Rohan, John, Roy, Jasmine, Matt, Alexis, and Keeley. I'm excited/curious to look back on this blog in ten months and see what all of our relationships are all like, how they evolve. I have a good feeling about it. Anyway, I'm thankful for this new experience and all that may lie ahead. Being here is already challenging, but it's also already inspiring and that is enough to keep me going.
It's a good life.
~V
I've been keeping this in mind during my first few days here, that every experience needs a little bit of time and patience to unfold into something truly beautiful. Since I've gotten here, I've had moments of confidence and peace, where I have felt belonging and connection with my teammates and these moments have been blissful. I've also had moments of anxiety, where I am worried I'm not presenting my best self and there's pressure to be perfect because it's a new start for me and I'm scared I won't be able to handle this intensive experience that people keep saying will "make or break" me. Something about new situations and uncertainty really has a way of bringing out self-doubt. I'm trying to learn to forgive myself for my over-thinking tendencies. I'm trying to continue reminding myself that my thoughts are not always the truth. In order to try to hold myself accountable in these first few days, I am making some promises to myself. To welcome growth even if it is uncomfortable. To remain open and present, even if I am afraid. To pour love into everything even if I feel alone.
Today was a lovely, long day. One of my teammates, Keeley, waited for me to walk to breakfast together in the wee morning hours. She packed me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch, too, because I forgot to bring a sandwich bag. I like Keeley a lot. She's 23 and we have a good vibe together and I think/hope we will become good friends. After breakfast, I walked to the nearest gas station with some of my other teammates because we desperately needed coffee and apparently Americorps does not believe in coffeemakers. My team and I pretty much spent the entire day together after that, enduring long lectures on respect and health benefits and our service projects and sexual harrassment and all that good stuff. After lunch, I went to the military commissary with this adorable girl Jasmine who is 18 and from Nebraska. She loves my laugh, and I love her enthusiasm and how when I first met her she was wearing an almost all yellow outfit (the good kind of yellow). She is bubbly in a charming, not obnoxious way, and I appreciate this very much. We all had dinner together, spaghetti and garlic bread. Then, we all put on mud face masks (even the guys! so progressive!) and played Cards against Humanity for a while. Now, I'm back in my room fighting sleep real hard.
Overall, I'm very happy with my team. Everybody is incredibly unique and comes from such different backgrounds. Everybody has something interesting to bring to the group. The group also has a great sense of humor which is amazing and makes everything more comfortable. As of right now, there's Mike (the team leader), Wynn,Cassandra, Isabelle, Ian, Grant, Rohan, John, Roy, Jasmine, Matt, Alexis, and Keeley. I'm excited/curious to look back on this blog in ten months and see what all of our relationships are all like, how they evolve. I have a good feeling about it. Anyway, I'm thankful for this new experience and all that may lie ahead. Being here is already challenging, but it's also already inspiring and that is enough to keep me going.
It's a good life.
~V
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