10.25~Camp Lodestar

Wednesday: We all packed our stuff in the van and headed to Camp Lodestar, a Methodist Camp in middle of nowhere California.We shoved all our stuff in the van and I faced my anxieties by driving us the 2 hours there. The last 30 minutes of the drive were spent on a thin, winding, mountainous road with no shoulder, just cliffs on the side (my teammates constantly reminded me not to look at the drop off, but i coudn't resist). I went no faster than 10 mph for the latter part of the drive, and after what seemed like forever we made it to the camp. It was beautiful and isolated, surrounded by towering pine and oak trees. There were little wooden cabins and a main lodge. We weren't allowed to stay in the cabins our first night because another group was there, so we had to walk to this big meadow where we all got tents to set up. The entire Green Unit was staying there, which consists of about 100 people. I have never seen so many of the same exact tent in one place. Once we all set up our little areas, we returned to the main part of camp. We found an old, unkept basketball court, covered in red dirt and dry grass, which turned out to be very much a safety hazard. Rohan, Roy, Jon, Alexis, Keeley and I played for hours, until we were drenched in sweat and covered in dirt from slipping/falling and and it was time for dinner. Keeley and Jasmine made delicious camp-stove Pizza bagels. We ate way too many pizza bagels and then had to go into the main lodge for a Newlyweds game with our team. They asked us questions like "Who is least likely to break a rule" or "Who is most likely to find Ameri-love" and two people from each team had to choose the same name of a person on their team that fit. We won, probably because we spend every waking moment together and are just the very best! (Or, because Grant has such a distinct, funny personality that he was easily the answer for like five questions in a row). Our prize for our glorious victory was a bag of skittles. As we ate our skittles, Mike FINALLY told us we're going to Texas for our first project to do disaster relief.!!!!!??!! I have no idea what to expect, but more on that to follow. 3 day road trip here we come!

Thursday: We woke up and had to pack up all our tents and belongings by 6 am to move them to these little cabins we would be sleeping in the next night. I kept getting distracted while packing up because I was so blown away by the stars out in that meadow. You could see absolutely everything, even right before the sunrise. After moving all our stuff and having breakfast, we spent the day clearing out invasive blackberry plants from one of the paths in the camp. This work was super laborious and exhausting, and was meant to be sort of a practice run for whatever our first real project might be. By the end, I had a bunch of little cuts all over from the thorns, my boots and gloves were caked in mud, and my bones were aching from shoveling and clipping and whatever else we did. Not gonna lie, I was a little discouraged, but was comforted to find out a lot of my teammates were too. We talked about whether or not we would be able to keep up with that type of environmental work if we were assigned to it as our real project. If that were to be the case, we'd have to remove thorny, stubborn-ass bushes for 8+ hours a day for at least a month. As I'm writing I'm realizing that instead of blackberries, in November we will be in Texas in 90 degree weather for 8+ hours a day wearing respirators and gutting houses and this can't be much easier... But I guess whatever we're doing out here isn't supposed to be easy, it's supposed to get shiz done for America. At least I have some good company with me.

 After our blackberry endeavors, we did a 3 hour rope course with our team. The point of it was to work on teamwork and communication and all that good stuff, and we thrived despite our exhaustion. After the ropes course we had to come up with a skit to perform after dinner in front of the unit. I felt like I was a little kid at summer camp. We came up with a ridiculous skit in about 10 minutes, which involved the Can-Can and Cassandra jumping into our arms and Grant having an existential crisis on stage. We ended the skit by carrying Grant out into the audience, and they loved it. At least I think they loved it.

We ended the night by sitting around the campfire eating marshmallows smooshed between cookies and writing on tiny slips of paper something in our lives that we want to leave behind, whether it be a relationship, a trait we have, or a pain we've been holding on to. It was touching to watch people throw their papers into the fire, making a choice to let go. We carry so much pain with us, and it builds and builds and builds as we go along. I like the idea that it's okay to leave some things behind. I don't have to be the person I often confine myself to. It's okay to leave some parts of me in the past. It's okay to let go.

Friday: We're back in Sacramento. This morning we ate our breakfast in the big lodge at Camp Lodestar and I nearly cried as I watched the daylight slowly surround the trees. I felt so connected to everything around me. The trees, the light, the warm faces around me. It was like a wave of love poured into me and calmed every part of my body. Is that what believing in God feels like? Coffee never tasted so good, the world rarely ever looked so clear. I thought to myself if I could embody that feeling every moment of my life, then happiness would be mine to keep.