1.28

We've been in Vegas over two weeks already, somehow. It is both a great time and simultaneously an incredibly weird time. I haven't written in too long, and I can feel it. I don't know which words to place where. The flow of language isn't coming naturally.

Las Vegas is a sketchy place. We've had several run-ins with very creepy men, one of which had to get kicked out of the Veteran's village for his behavior towards us. This clearly isn't ideal, but we've been dealing with it. We never walk anywhere alone, ever. In other news, our room has been ridden with bed bugs. The bugs have been furiously attacking Keeley and Jasmine, leaving them with over 50 bites each. Somehow, I haven't had any type of reaction to the bugs, or they just haven't been biting me by some miracle. I don't know how I somehow got out of that one, but I feel terrible about what Keeley and Jasmine have been going through. The maintenence people have come in multiple times and sprayed the room down with anti-bug stuff. This past weekend, we had to remove everything from our room and stay with Alexis and Isabelle so the exterminator could come and do their thing. The constant clothes-washing and living out of garbage bags and moving has been exhausting, but we're taking it one day at a time. The combination of bed bugs and harrassment going on here is so bad that it's started to take a psychological toll on some people in the group. There have been a few breakdowns, but I have faith it will get better. Things always get better. 

Other than the minor bumps in the road, I'm really enjoying my time here. For physical training, we've gone on a few beautiful hikes. The nature here, just outside the city, is absolutely breathtaking. The red and brown canyons and endless open sky are quite easy on the eyes, and nourishing to the soul. My soul is in a good place right now. I feel like I have strong, supportive relationships surrounding me. I feel like my best self, the self that knows not to take life too seriously.  I feel like if things get overwhelming I can take a deep breath and return to a place of calm. The whole mantra of "This too shall pass" has been both comforting and scary to me. I take comfort in knowing the moments of chaos and discomfort will pass. I am afraid of the most beautiful moments here going away, the ones I want to stay in forever. 

There have been so many beautiful moments in the past few weeks it makes my heart flutter to think about. I've been trying to jot these down in my journal, as I usually do, the simple moments of gratitude that appear throughout the day. I may have written about this before, but gratitude, I've found, has been the single most important step to finding happiness in my life. I think I learned this from my mom (thanks, mom), who has always looked for the best in everything. 

I'm grateful for things like the sunrises on the way to work, and the community garden we've been working at that has twinkle lights and overlooks the mountains. Today, I got to help a woman named Ellen clean out the chicken coop while we shared about our lives. Later, she disappeared and returned with a plethora of snacks for all of us. Even in the dirtiest of moments last week, when we had to clean up bags and socks full of human poop and were questioning everything about our lives, we made the most of it. There was never a shortage of laughter as we joked about the "sacks of poop" and the overwhelming nasty smell in the air and Jon saying "What, you ain't neva' smelled poop before???". Or there was the night we saw a bed bug climb up the wall next to my bed, and hysterically chased it throughout the apartment, laughing and screaming, trying to get it into a tiny water bottle. We named him Bernard and tortured him with apple cider vinegar (sorry, Bernard). We couldn't stop laughing.

I'm grateful for the reflection of the city lights in my friend's eyes when we walk downtown before our "casual nights out" that lead to us staying out until 5 am, every time. How easily these strangers became very good friends that know all of my little ins and outs. I love loitering in casinos and how time does not exist within them. They are trashy and vapid places yet these people are so beautiful and deep and it doesn't matter where we are. I loved today, working in the garden and screaming Beatles songs with them under the warm sun. Good stuff. It's all very good stuff. Look for beauty and you will find it, always. I'm trying to remember, each moment, that I am alive. Then, each moment becomes absolutely extroardinary.