2.1.19
Life keeps on happening. It doesn't stop when someone breaks your heart or while you're feeling a little lost or when you're not at your best of while you wish things could be different (or that you could be different). I used to beg the world for things to be thankful for at the end of the day. I didn't love myself enough to let the beauty of the world in. Maybe I thought I didn't deserve it. I held so much hurt. I held onto it for dear life, because it's what I knew so well. And I guess I thought to myself that all the beauty in the world, and all the love, and the freedom, those things belonged to the strong, secure, unconditionally loved people. Those with the effortlessly open hearts, they were the only ones who were allowed to dream. I wanted to be that so terribly that it tore me up in side. The ironically arduous attempt to be "effortless." I look back now and smile to myself. It actually chokes me up a bit. I cracked away most of that cynici...